


Saints and Liars

by seajelly (Legless_fish_on_rollerskates)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Actually Deals With Feelings, Dean Winchester in Denial, Dean Winchester-centric, Found Family, Hopeful Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Last Day On Earth, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Oneshot, Rated T for language, Season/Series 15, Songfic, Unbeta'd, prelude to the final battle, probably a little bit over dramatic and ooc but whatevs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26016418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legless_fish_on_rollerskates/pseuds/seajelly
Summary: Dean looked around at his family, gathered together in determination, and felt a fierce wave of love surge up inside him.This. This was what he was fighting for.And if he went down, so help him Someone, he would go down swinging.
Relationships: Alex Jones & Claire Novak & Patience Turner & Kaia Nieves, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Claire Novak & Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Donna Hanscum/Jody Mills, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	Saints and Liars

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Work on your Good Omens story!  
> My brain: Middle of June Destiel songfic!  
> Me: No! Antichrist Boyfriends! Story you haven’t updated in months!  
> My brain: MIDDLE OF JUNE DESTIEL SONGFIC
> 
> …I’m so sorry. I really am. I promise I will have a chapter of Aliens and Aeroplanes up by next weekend. I swear. But the writer’s brain wants what the writer’s brain wants, and I am merely a pawn in this cosmic game of words.
> 
> (Also, Kali, don’t you dare. I know you want to. Do not. You are on season 7. This is set in season 15. No reading this until you finish the show.)

_ (Time is a cold wind blowing through the leaves _

_ Of a tired old tree I sit beneath) _

Dean stood outside the bunker, leaning against the Impala and staring up at the sky.

It was quiet.

He had stepped out for a minute when the tension inside had gotten to be too much. Everyone was busy planning for the fight against Chuck, and Dean was starting to feel like he couldn’t breathe. He thought idly back to when he had shown up in this car to get Sammy at Stanford and go find Dad, back when they were young and naive and just a couple of decent hunters who nobody had ever heard of. Was that really only fifteen years ago? Compared to their lives now, that was practically  _ normal _ .

So much had changed since then.

They had lost Dad, and they had accidentally ended the world, and then saved the world, and then saved the world a few more times. They’d met Cas, and he had slowly, somehow, become a piece of their family that they were broken without. They had gotten Mom back and then lost her again. They’d met just about every kind of crazy-powerful SOB out there, and they had died a few times but always managed to claw their way back and come out on top. They’d all done horrible things and awesome things in equal measure. They finally had a home, a real home. Hell, they had a freakin’ kid now, and he was trying to kill God.

And that was it, wasn’t it? The major boss fight. The big man himself. Which was kind of ironic, considering the fact that he was only like five and a half feet tall.

Dean chuckled out loud at that, then groaned and ran his hands through his hair.  _ What the actual fuck was his life? _ There was a very good chance that he, along with everyone else in existence, were all going to be dead by the end of the week. He was pretty sure his family had all quietly resigned themselves to that fact.

But they kept on fighting, because they were Winchesters and that was all they knew how to do, even when every single odd was stacked against them. 

_ (Where I think about the world and I don't know how _

_ What will happen to us now?) _

Dean tried not to wonder what would happen if they somehow did win. He couldn’t risk letting himself hope. But still, as he watched the shadows slowly lengthen in the late afternoon sun, his mind drifted.

They would still be hunters, that much he knew for certain. Even without God around, there would always be people to save and things to hunt. He and Sam had both tried for normal lives before, and it had never been anything but a disaster. But he knew there was a good chance Sam might decide to move out of the bunker. Get a place with Eileen, a dog, maybe even a kid or two. He smiled at the thought, even though a part of it made him sad.

He would stay in the bunker with Cas and Jack. And Cas and Jack would stay in the bunker because it was the only thing that made sense in Dean’s head. They didn’t have anywhere else to go, for one thing, and more than that, he found he couldn’t imagine a future for himself where Cas wasn’t right there with him. 

Dean didn’t know what that meant. He wasn’t sure he wanted to.

_ (And peace is a ladder up to the clouds _

_ That I'm wishing I could climb, but I don't know how) _

It didn’t matter, anyway, because they were all going to die tomorrow. Dean told himself that firmly, and then stopped in a dejected sort of surprise as he wondered how he had managed to completely lose hope. Usually at this point in a major conflict he was amped, full of fire, ready to fight to his last breath. But now he was just tired.

He wanted this to be over.

He wanted to be able to teach Jack the inner workings of a car engine. Watch the History Channel with Cas and laugh while he corrected all the things they got wrong. See Sam smile again. Have Thanksgiving at Jody’s, Christmas in the bunker, New Year’s with Garth. Set off massive, possibly angel-charged fireworks with his brother on the Fourth of July. Go back to just  _ helping people _ , seeing firsthand the positive impact he could have on someone’s life, without all the complicated parts.

_ (So would you lend me a hand to the promised land _

_ Where I'm headed, glory bound) _

Tires crunched on gravel and Dean looked over to see Jody’s truck pull up with Claire’s behind it. From what he could tell, Donna was riding with Jody and the girls were all with Claire, Kaia predictably riding shotgun. He spread his arms wide as they piled out of the cars.

“Welcome to the batcave!”

Alex raised her eyebrows. “What exactly am I looking at here?”

“It’s cooler inside, trust me,” said Kaia. Dean wondered how much she actually remembered, given the state she had been in the last time she was here. He wasn’t going to disagree with her about it being cool, though.

“Well, I for one can’t wait to see!” said Donna.

Dean grinned, the facade falling into place with worrying ease. “C’mon inside then!” He nodded at Claire as she passed. “Hey kid.”

“Old man,” Claire rolled her eyes, but hugged him anyway. Dean held her tight for a moment, as if to reassure himself that she was still there, before releasing her to hug Jody. He had argued fiercely against getting the kids involved, but Patience had pointed out that God ending the world kind of affects everybody, and Claire had vehemently claimed that she would rather die because she was fighting to save everyone than die because other people had failed. Once they had convinced Jody and Donna, there wasn’t really anything Dean could do. He didn’t have to like it though, and he said as much to Jody as they filed inside.

“What choice do we have, Dean?” asked Jody quietly. “You know I hate it as much as you do, but they’re right. The best way to keep them safe is to let them fight. They’re smart. They can help us win.”

_ (And it comes and it goes _

_ Where it's headed, no one knows) _

Dean watched from the edge of the room as Sam and Eileen rose to greet everyone. Introductions were made, and the people who were new to the bunker looked around in wonder. Cas and Jack walked in, deep in conversation, and several members of the group froze at the sight of real, actual  _ angels _ . More introductions were made. Dean’s smile was feeling increasingly fixed.

Donna sidled up to him and nudged his shoulder playfully. “You Winchesters sure know how to find trouble. How many times you saved the world now?”

“Too many,” muttered Dean.

“Seems like they just keep coming, don’t it. Who’da thunk someday I’d be getting ready to fight God? What’s next, the flying spaghetti monster?”

Dean chuckled, and privately hoped for all their sakes that things would cool down for a bit after this. If they survived.

“I’m gonna go start on dinner,” said Dean, pushing off the wall.

“Well, don’t let me keep ya,” said Donna. “Oh and heads up, Patience is vegetarian.”

Dean nodded his thanks and headed towards the kitchen, catching Cas’s eye briefly as he crossed the room. They shared a look that left Dean feeling… something, something he didn’t know how to put into words. He looked away.

_ (And we come and we go _

_ All the saints and the liars, sitting by the fire) _

At some point, Jody made her way into the kitchen to help Dean cook. They quickly realized that the galley table was much too small for everyone to fit comfortably, so they worked together to bring all the food out into the war room. On his way back to the kitchen to get silverware, Dean stopped to take in the sight of all the people sitting around one (absolutely massive) table. Sam, Cas, Jack. Eileen. Jody and Donna. Alex and Patience and Kaia and Claire. 

His family. 

Dean wondered how he could deserve this, these amazing people who he was lucky enough to call his. 

He went and got the silverware.

_ (What will happen to us now?) _

Dinner was tense, despite Donna and Jack’s attempts to make conversation. At any other time, having them all in the same room together would be cause for celebration, but the reason for their gathering hung over all their heads, casting ominous shadows that couldn’t be ignored. 

There was a brief debate about drinks. Jody was apparently notoriously strict about Alex and Patience being underage, and objected at first when Sam offered them beers. After Eileen pointed out that this could literally be their last night on earth, Jody relented; though she was quick to declare that if they did survive, they would be going back to absolutely no alcohol until they were twenty-one. Jack, slightly confused, pointed out that he was technically three and asked if he shouldn’t be drinking. This sparked a conversation about the complicated nuances of what they considered to be Jack’s actual age, which Dean mostly tuned out. It wasn’t like they were going to tell Jack to stop drinking at this point, when he’d literally been allowed to for his entire life.

Dean wondered bemusedly if they were terrible parents.

_ (And hatred is a sharp knife held by the blade _

_ It's cutting in your palm 'til you feel no pain) _

As the conversation lapsed once again into silence, the agitation in the air grew thick. The anger was the most outright and obvious in Sam and Claire, at least to Dean. Jody, Donna, and Alex’s manifested as protectiveness. Cas and Kaia were quiet and tense. Patience was reserved and small, but with a sharp glint in her eye that Dean wouldn’t want to cross. Jack and Eileen were buzzing with nervous energy. 

Dean was guarded. And so, so tired.

He knew he needed to get his act together before tomorrow, and he focused on his own anger in an attempt to get his adrenaline going. Chuck had manipulated Dean’s entire life, had put everyone in this room through hell purely for his own entertainment. Dean wanted him ripped to shreds. 

But his hatred wasn’t new. It was the same thing he had been feeling for months. And he realized, with no small amount of frustration, that  _ this  _ was why he was so tired. 

_ (And burning in your eyes with a righteous rage _

_ 'Til the ashes blow away) _

Dean had been holding on to his anger for a very long time, and it was weighing on him. He had long ago passed the point where it fed the fire in his chest. It was temporary fuel, blazing high and fast, a quick burst before it burned out. He begrudgingly acknowledged that he couldn’t go on like this.

He needed something new. Something stronger. 

_ (And love is a thing that you can't define) _

Dean briefly considered ways to make himself even more furious, but even he could recognize how pointless that train of action was. So other than anger, what were his driving forces?

Dean looked around the table at his family again. Jody, who was somewhere between a mother and a sister to him, who reminded him to take care of himself. Donna, who was just as good at listening as she was at talking, who balanced him. Alex and Patience and Kaia, who he barely knew but still felt responsible for. Eileen, who never backed down, who made Sam laugh. Claire, who reminded Dean the most of himself out of them all. Jack, his son, the one who had forced him to remember that people could be good. Cas, the best friend he had ever had, who chose him over everything time and again. And Sam.

Sam, his little brother. Sam, the boy he raised. Sam, the only constant in Dean’s life other than his car. Sam, who had died for him, who he had died for, who annoyed him and pushed him and always stood by his side. Sam, who reminded him who he was when Dean himself had forgotten. Sam, who kept him human. 

Dean looked around at his family, gathered together in determination, and felt a fierce wave of love surge up inside him.

This. This was what he was fighting for. 

And if he went down, so help him Someone, he would go down swinging.

_ (Though you try with all your might _

_ Through the riddles and rhymes) _

“Enough,” said Dean, cutting through the tension, and everyone looked at him in surprise. “Just… enough. Listen, I know how we all feel right now. We’re angry, we’re scared. This is probably our last night on earth. I’m not gonna try and deny it. But this... us. All of us. Right here, right now. Sure, we’re trying to save the entire world, but  _ this _ is why we’re doing it. So cut out all the moody crap, and let’s make the most of tonight. Let’s remember why we’re fighting.”

There was a beat of silence before Sam raised his beer and said, “Hear hear.” The others cautiously echoed him.

Cas gave Dean an approving look, and Dean’s stomach did something funny that he didn’t think too hard about. Alex got up to put on some music, and everybody slowly started to relax as they migrated into the library. By eight thirty, Jack was telling an animated story about a time he and Sam had teamed up to prank Dean, and Dean laughed along with everyone else at his own obliviousness. 

He found that, for the first time all night, no part of his smile was forced. The energy in the room was bittersweet, yeah. But there was a new warmth behind Dean’s ribs, a new steel in everyone’s eyes. They had something worth protecting.

_ (But it'll fly you like a kite _

_ It'll throw you to the ground) _

At one point when Jody got up to go to the bathroom, she gave Donna a quick kiss before she left. Dean blinked in — surprise wasn’t the right word, really. But he did wonder when that had happened.

Looking around the room, he saw how Claire and Kaia leaned into each other. Across from them, Sam and Eileen were having a rapid conversation in sign language that Dean couldn’t see well enough to follow. Even Jack seemed to be doing everything he could think of to get Alex’s attention, despite the fact that Alex was still quite obviously intimidated by the whole  _ angel _ thing. It made Dean happy to watch, but there was a tiny flare of jealousy, too. Which made no sense.

Dean didn’t get  _ jealous.  _ And certainly not of people in relationships. Relationships were painful and exhausting, and required far too much work. Dean much preferred his strategy of sleeping with whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and then never speaking to them again. He didn’t need the complications that came with  _ feelings.  _ Though, now that he thought about it, he hadn’t had sex in a while either.

That must have been why he was jealous. He was just annoyed because his brother was gonna get laid tonight and Dean wasn’t. That was all.  _ Though if that was the case, _ as small voice said in the back of his head,  _ then why didn’t you think about sex first? Why were you so focused on denying wanting a relationship? _

Dean shoved the jealousy down and tried to tune out the voice. What it was saying was absurd. Why on earth would Dean ever want something like that? He tore his gaze away from Sam and Eileen, and in the process somehow locked eyes with Cas.

It hit him like a sack of bricks to the face.

_ (But that's the best thing I have found.) _

Cas squinted at him in confusion and Dean realized he was probably making some kind of strange face, but he couldn’t seem to move. His brain was rapidly shuffling through memories, like a Rolodex of every time he had interacted with Cas over the eleven years they had known each other. All the times Cas had chosen Dean over himself. How much it hurt every time Cas left, how relieved Dean felt when he came back. Armageddon. Leviathan.  _ Purgatory _ . All the awful things Dean had done to Cas, how sorry he was for each and every one of them. Every time Cas had died, and Dean had felt more like the world was ending than he had during the actual apocalypse. How the bunker didn’t feel like home when Cas wasn’t there. 

And the little things, too. The grumpy glower Cas bestowed upon everyone in the morning before he’d had coffee — even during the times when he didn’t technically need to sleep. How awkward he still was around people he didn’t know. That thing his eyes did when he was trying not to laugh. How patient he was with Jack. The way Dean had learned to read Cas’s barely-noticeable expression changes like a book.

Sam was saying something, but Dean wasn’t paying attention because he was in love with his best friend and  _ what the fuck was he supposed to do now? _

_ (And it comes and it goes _

_ Where it's headed no one knows) _

Dean excused himself as politely as he could manage, locked himself in the bathroom, and gave himself exactly four minutes to freak out. After he had calmed down slightly, he focused on getting his thoughts in order.

He was in love with Cas. He’d probably been in love with Cas for close to a decade. That was fine. He could deal with that.

He had no idea how to deal with that.

Dean paced for a moment, then whirled to stare at himself in the mirror. He gazed back into his own panicked eyes and tore his hands through his hair. He thought about their past, about their likely lack of a future. He thought about what he had said to his family, just a few hours before.  _ Remember why you’re fighting _ . 

All of a sudden, Dean was filled with a grounding surety. His mind stilled, quieter than it had been in years. Because, he realized, this was the one thing in his turbulent life that would never be uncertain.

Dean was in love with Cas, and that wasn’t going to change. No matter what happened today, no matter what happened tomorrow, no matter what happened years from now. It had already stood the test of time, proven that it could endure through anger and betrayal and grief. 

He was still scared, still terrified, but there was a warmth inside of him now. A truth. It wasn’t a question; it had never been a question. Dean loved Cas. 

Simple as that.

_ (And we come and we go) _

Dean rejoined his family in the library, laughing and talking and drinking until late. Tomorrow morning they would go over the plan one last time, but tonight he felt confident in the knowledge that they could simply  _ be _ . 

They told stories. 

Hunting stories. Family stories. Stories about the stupid shit Sam did as a little kid. Stories about Alex and Claire arguing over something pointless. The first monster Eileen ever killed. That time Dean took Cas to a brothel. Kaia trying to teach Patience how to tie knots and Patience being absolutely horrible at it. How Jody and Donna got together. When Dean taught Jack to drive. 

They interrupted each other and bickered over details, and even with tomorrow looming, it was the happiest Dean could remember being in a really long time.

_ (Like the winter and the spring _

_ Losing everything just to gain it back again) _

Eventually, though, people started drifting off to bed. Jody and Donna were the first to declare that they were tired, and then they insisted that the girls get some sleep too. Jack went next, growing bored as the group rapidly diminished. Shortly after that, a smirking Eileen signed something to Sam under the table that made him turn bright red and drag her out of the room. And then Dean was alone with Cas.

They stood next to each other, leaning against the table in companionable silence. Dean took a deep breath, but Cas spoke before he could.

“You’re a good leader,” Cas said quietly. “The way you rallied everyone earlier… it’s something I admire about you, your talent for kindling inspiration. I don’t know if you even always realize you’re doing it, but it’s breathtaking to watch.”

Dean stared at him in shock. Cas stared right back, daring Dean to challenge him. Dean’s mouth worked for a moment, trying to come up with an argument for why Cas was wrong about him, but instead he blurted, “You know I love you, right?”

Cas blinked. “Yes Dean, of course. I love you too.”

“No, that’s not—” Dean groaned and looked away. “I don't mean… not like, how I love Sam, or—or Jody, or—” 

“Dean,” Cas ducked his head, forcing Dean to make eye contact again. He gently took Dean’s hand. “ _ I know _ .” 

_ (But oh, how pretty is the middle of June?) _

Dean’s breath caught. “Yeah?”

Cas squeezed his hand and smiled.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said, before he could stop himself. “I’m so sorry. Everything I’ve done, all the ways I’ve hurt you… you have to know how sorry I am, Cas, for all of it, I never wanted—” 

“Dean,” Cas cut him off again. “I forgave you for everything a long time ago. You’re not the only one who has regrets. I just hope… I hope you can forgive me, as well.”

“Of course I forgive you Cas,” said Dean quickly. “Of course I do. You were doing the best you could.”

“So were you.”

_ (And oh, how pretty is the middle of June?) _

Dean laughed wetly. “We’re so stupid, aren’t we?”

“Perhaps.”

“I mean, I’ve loved you for  _ years  _ and I didn’t even realize it. How does that  _ happen?” _

“I think Winchesters might be allergic to making things easy,” said Cas, face completely serious until Dean laughed, and then he smirked.

Dean grinned back at him for a moment, before glancing down at their joined hands. Gently, he laced their fingers together. “I do love you, you know. I really do.”

Cas reached out and tilted Dean’s chin up so he could look at him square in the face. “I love you too.”

_ (And oh, how pretty is the middle of June?) _

The kiss was soft at first, slow, and Dean did his best to say everything that he didn’t know how to put into words. Cas gripped his shoulder and pulled him closer. Dean threaded his fingers through Cas’s hair.

A noise from across the room caused them to pull apart, and they looked over to see Claire standing in the doorway, a wide grin on her face.

“Little busy here, kid,” said Dean gruffly, and Claire smiled even wider.

“Alex owes me twenty dollars.”

Cas frowned. “What are you even doing out here? You went to bed an hour ago.”

“Just, uh, going to the bathroom,” Claire said, suddenly shifty.

“The bathroom is the other way.”

“Right, well, you know, this place is easy to get lost in.”

Dean studied her for a moment, before rolling his eyes. “You’re such a liar. Just go, we won’t tell.”

Claire opened her mouth to protest, but then nodded after a moment and slipped off down the hall. Cas squinted after her in confusion.

“Her bedroom and the bathroom are both the other direction.”

“Her girlfriend’s room is that way, though,” said Dean, and Cas blinked.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Honestly, I was surprised they weren’t just sharing. They’re both adults.”

“Sam organized the sleeping arrangements, you’d have to ask him.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “My brother is a moron.”

Cas chuckled, and Dean kissed him again. It was a wish. A promise. A blinding truth and a desperate hope, all rolled up into one moment of brilliance in the calm before the storm.

_ (And oh, how pretty is the middle of June?) _

For the first time, Dean truly started to believe that they might be able to win.

**Author's Note:**

> Time is a cold wind blowing through the leaves  
> Of a tired old tree I sit beneath  
> Where I think about the world and I don't know how  
> What will happen to us now?
> 
> And peace is a ladder up to the clouds  
> That I'm wishing I could climb, but I don't know how  
> So would you lend me a hand to the promised land  
> Where I'm headed, glory bound
> 
> And it comes and it goes  
> Where it's headed, no one knows  
> And we come and we go  
> All the saints and the liars, sitting by the fire  
> What will happen to us now?
> 
> And hatred is a sharp knife held by the blade  
> It's cutting in your palm 'til you feel no pain  
> And burning in your eyes with a righteous rage  
> 'Til the ashes blow away
> 
> And love is a thing that you can't define  
> Though you try with all your might  
> Through the riddles and rhymes  
> But it'll fly you like a kite  
> It'll throw you to the ground  
> But that's the best thing I have found.
> 
> And it comes and it goes  
> Where it's headed no one knows  
> And we come and we go  
> Like the winter and the spring  
> Losing everything just to gain it back again
> 
> But oh, how pretty is the middle of June?  
> And oh, how pretty is the middle of June?  
> And oh, how pretty is the middle of June?  
> And oh, how pretty is the middle of June?
> 
> \- Middle of June, by Noah Gundersen


End file.
